identify triggers inside us
Convince us to reinforce those triggers so they can make use of them at any time
Convince us that we are the ones responsible
Then they feed off your emotions. Finding a way to rob you of your joy
Our frozen feelings are our triggers
Our own shadows we refuse to face are our triggers
We remove their power over us once we remove our triggers.
flow like water: Aikido
Frozen issues inside us:
why we freeze
How narcissists use that
What happens when we unfreeze?
How to face those demons by listening to the full story
Buddhism 101: internal structure - time to dismantle it. It’s made of judgements which are FAST, but cause us to have trigger points narcissists can use.
Our emotional landscape is what causes us pain. It’s accumulated over time but it’s artificial - love melts it. Listening helps it tell its story.
Water training: when they push, pull! Someone comes to you screaming at you.
Realise it’s about them, not about you.
Pull them into your power. Take power over them
“Tell me more”
“Tell me about that”
Eventually the person will run out of material. Start summarising for them:
So you feel left out? Isolated?
Narcissists want to create a cloud of drama.. when you stop and get them to just talk instead of joining in in the drama it puts the focus on them.. instead of on “causing drama” when this happens they may repeat the same thing a few times and we can collage these things into individual points for discussion.
It’s important to drain the power of the narcissist. Treat them like school children you’re guiding in a conversation. Guide them into giving up their power as they speak. “Yes I can do that absolutely if you first explain what you’d like to know?” Gradually the narcissist has to follow your rules in order to get what they need as they go further and further down the bottle neck of things they can get away with - being further and further restricted.
How to respond to a narcissist:
curiosity kills the cat: responding curiously short-circuits the fear response
Push in when someone tries to hurt you and speak to them directly. Ask them what they mean.
Be direct. Narcissists like clouds
Be the therapist
Ask them specifically if they’d like to talk, be silent and watch them as they talk, gather information about what they are saying but don’t reveal your own emotions, repeat back to them what they’ve said.
Know your boundaries. Accept nothing less than total 100% respect for those boundaries. If there’s no respect, leave.
Realise the whole conversation is a game designed to try and get the upper hand.. so don’t rise to their bait - it’s how they flip you and get you on your back.
“oh nice to see you’ve finally arrived”
that’s called a ‘snide’ remark. It puts people down. I’m not interested in being put down but I’m happy to have a conversation. Would you like to talk?
“Oh so you’ll be here for everyone else, but not me?”
it seems you’re upset about something, did you want to talk about it?