My pointers are this:
1. There is no difference between fear and excitement. They are the same physiological response. We experience them differently purely based on our perception that at the end there will either be a good reward or a bad result.
2. Wanting to stay in our comfort zone all the time is what creates anxiety disorders. (Spoken from someone working their way out of an anxiety disorder ) humans actually REQUIRE regular medium doses of fear to stay mentally healthy.. just like our bodies require regular physical exertion to stay healthy.
3.Being poly and single doesn’t mean you have to DO anything. You don’t have to date, you don’t have to actively pursue partners - in fact - that can get in the way of finding ideal partners.
4.Focus instead on waking up each morning and asking yourself “am I 100% living the life I want? What am I compromising on?” Then find a way of adding more of what you want in your life and removing that which no longer serves you. As you do this you’ll eventually be leading a lifestyle that fills you full of energy and excitement for life instead of feeling draining or trapped.
5.on this adventure through life as you do you - you’ll bump into other people doing themselves on the same path as you. This is how I like to find partners rather than dating - adventuring life and connecting to others also adventuring life!
6.Be aware that as a poly person all relationships are equal even if they’re different: friends, partners, sexual partners, non-sexual partners, adopted family members are all ‘relationships’. I’ve found for me it’s easier to remove the labels and just BE in relationship with each person I’m in a relationship with - dozens of them - and simply enjoy how that unique relationship is between myself and the other person for each of the relationships I’m in. Takes away the pressure of labelling and defining everything.
7.connect to those you already have a relationship with - friends, lovers, family. Explain what path you’re on. Get support. You’re not alone in this life adventure - that’s what’s beautiful about poly - every relationship you have is free to blossom to its natural level. You don’t need to put rules around what you can and can’t do. Instead find people who want to support you in your freedom to explore.
8.make mistakes. Explore like a kid playing with playdoh. Try things out. Make mistakes. I know maybe you’ve been incorrectly conditioned that mistakes are bad and they hurt people - but that’s incorrect. It’s time for you to outgrow those simplistic notions and relearn everything you think you know. Let it all go. Focus on the here and now and try things out.
9.Get some psychological help working through your baggage. We all have baggage and it holds us back and traps us inside crystalline prisons of fear. We can see out but we can’t move. EMDR has helped me a great deal turn the mirror on myself and take a good hard look at the most horrific and formative traumatic events of my past and just observe them until the fear of observing them melts away. Once the fears inside us have all melted away we start getting creative and adventurous again.
10.Connect to your inner child. Your inner child is fearless, likes to play, doesn’t have a concept of “getting something wrong” and therefore just enjoys things without fear. Play with some toys. Watch some cartoons. Paint, draw, be silly. In finding freedom to completely be all aspects of ourself, it teaches us that fear itself NEVER existed. Fear is an illusion we choose to create in our own minds to keep ourself trapped from experiencing anything new. It’s not actually real - and ‘play’ can help undo that illusion of fear piece by piece.
11.The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step - but continues with the second step. Stop. Take a breath and stop trying to achieve what’s beyond you. Just do the next step.. just that one step in front of you - THAT is how the giant journey is eventually completed - by simply taking the first step .. but once you’ve taken it - then looking for and taking the next step. Eventually you will start to enjoy walked rather than being afraid because you can’t see very far in front of you.
12.Future you in a year’s time is looking back at you from a place you want to get to. What would future you tell you is the first step? Trust future you. Follow in their footsteps.